Understanding Nosebleeds
by Je m'appelle Sky
Summary: Roy Mustang does not get nosebleeds through so-called "excitedness", that was until he took the time to understand nosebleeds with the help of his Lieutenant of course. / RoyAi One-Shot. Happy RoyAi day! Rated for swearing and terms


**Author's Note: **Bonjour RoyAi fans! Sorry I'm posting my RoyAi contributions for RoyAi day late. D: I've been busy with school starting and all. Anyway, please enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to the great Hiromu Arakawa-sama. I do not own Roy Mustang. Roy Mustang belongs to Riza Hawkeye.

**Rating:** T for terms used and swears.

"The bunnies are burning; let's wash my car with mouthwash now." – Talking

'_My feet smell like cucumber because I ate a watermelon.'_ – Thinking

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**Understanding Nosebleeds.**

Roy Mustang did not get nosebleeds through so-called… horniness.

Roy Mustang did not understand how men get nosebleeds after seeing something… _interesting._

Roy Mustang watched as Jean Havoc flipped through a _'magazine'_ while supporting a nosebleed.

"Havoc," Roy asked "Why are you getting a nosebleed?"

"Are you serious boss? Will you not look at how hardcore this is?" Havoc shoved the 'magazine' full of interesting things at Mustang's face. Roy looked over at what Havoc was practically praising over. He read the entire page and stared at the very interesting pictures.

The Second Lieutenant's jaw dropped as he watched his superior officer read through his magazine for about 5minutes. He noted every movement of his face… which was barely anything! Roy's eyes just momentarily grew slightly bigger and he swore, behind the Colonel's poker face was a smirking bastard. Other than those, Mustang's face remained neutral as if reading paperwork. Jean Havoc couldn't believe, could his boss be… gay?

Roy noticed how his subordinate was looking at him. "What?" he asked with annoyance in his voice.

When Havoc didn't reply, Roy finally got it. Mustang's eyes grew big and he began to explain himself. "Wait- Shit Havoc, I'm not gay or anything! I just have very high tolerance for these things!"

"But you barely look turned on!"

Roy looked hurt, "Excuse me Havoc?"

"Oh GOD, you ARE gay!"

"Argh, SHUT UP HAVOC I AM NOT GAY. Can you not tell that there's a tent in my pants already? Sheesh."

"SHIT; NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME TO LOOK THERE?"

That about popped a vein on Colonel Mustang's head.

Jean Havoc eeped.

Just then, Kain Fuery, Heymans Breda and Vato Falman decided it would be a good time to enter the office after a very enjoyable lunch break. Thank the gods that Riza Hawkeye decided to kick it in the shooting range for a while.

"Afternoon boss, did you hear from…"

But Breda wasn't able to complete his statement; no he was interrupted by the scene before him and the other guys.

"I'm going out." Roy growled as he pushed past the guys staring.

The office reeked of ash. Roy Mustang had burned off all the clothes off his subordinate, Jean Havoc. The second Lieutenant was struggling to hide his unfazed erection. His face looked like he was going to shit himself. Poor Havoc, to be engulfed in the Colonel's flames in such a humiliating manner.

"I'm guessing you said or did something to um…"

"I d-don't want to talk about it Fuery." A scarred Havoc said.

And what a wonderful day we are having in the Eastern headquarters.

'_Damn it Havoc,'_ Roy thought to himself as he stormed his way to the locker and shower room, he wanted to get rid of the smell of ash on himself. '_Who actually gets nosebleeds anyway? I mean no guy could be that horny right away! Seriously, as if an erection isn't enough. Damn it Havoc! It is technically impossible for blood to travel that fast, you might as well be blushing. And besides, I'm the Flame fucking Alchemist; I can turn girls on faster than I could snap my fingers…"_

The Colonel was stuck in his own little world as he walked and pondered at the same time. He only let his feet guide him to the locker and shower room since he was still disturbed by the nosebleed theory. As strange as Mustang was, he closed his eyes as he walked and thought, seeing as lunch break is over and he wouldn't expect to run into anyone. Thinking he was near his destination, the man walked briskly and entered the locker and shower room. He opened his eyes as soon as he got in and saw…

'_Oh, holy shit… HOLY SHIT.' _Roy's eyes grew big at the scene. And yes, even his nose started to bleed and his face was getting red.

Let's picture the scene. Riza Hawkeye, who had just showered, blue uniform pants on, boots off, tight push-up bra on, stretching to try to get the military shirt on. Stretching plus push-up bra equals Mustang with a nosebleed. And a heavy one too.

Since the Lieutenant's shirt was covering her face, she wasn't able to see who had just entered the room. That is until she finally got her shirt on properly and looked at the intruder.

"C-Colonel?" She said staring at his face; his nose seemed to be bleeding and he seemed lost staring at her. Hawkeye wondered how long he'd been standing there… watching her… _'Shit.' _

After a good 5second stare, Roy Mustang's brain finally turned on. His hand quickly shot up to pinch his nose since it was continuously bleeding. He turned away and blushed furiously. (Yes, Roy Mustang was _blushing._) "I- I apologize Lieutenant. I s-swear it was an accident. I-I entered the wrong room. I did not mean to see you in such position." He said in a hurry. Damn, what was wrong with him? He was stammering and stuttering. In all his years of womanizing, Roy was **NEVER **as nervous as he was now.

"Colonel."

"Yes Lieutenant?"

"Get out."

"Yes, of course."

Roy cleared his throat and went out without another word. Riza who unknowingly held her breath the whole time inhaled and exhaled deeply. She didn't know whether to feel pissed that the Colonel just entered the girl's locker and shower room with her practically flashing him or whether to feel pleased that she had done _that_ to the great Roy Mustang. Deciding on the latter, she chuckled quietly to herself. It had been a treat seeing the Colonel act up like that.

As soon as Roy got out, he looked at the door and saw the sign which read 'Women'. He felt like a total idiot and entered the correct locker and shower room. He really needed to do something about the nosebleed; he had already ruined his right hand glove. He found his locker and dialed the combination with the other hand. The Colonel grabbed his towel and undressed quickly getting into the shower not even letting it heat up first.

Roy loved being in the shower, it helped him think. And boy, did he have something to think about. The way_ his _Lieutenant moved under the shirt… _'Damn it, this nosebleed's getting worse.' _The Colonel decided to rethink the nosebleed theory and with the permanent picture of Riza Hawkeye getting dressed, he finally understood nosebleeds.

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**Author's Note: **Bwahahaha, I just love RoyAi. I feel bad about posting this so late, please forgive the lazy me! I'll post another story later! Can't wait for FMAB next week, the last episode (60) made me go WTF at the end even though I read the manga. XD

Oh and is the story to short? I could actually add _"something" _in there but it'll make it Rated M (for Mustang) and I'm scared to write M's. )': HAPPY ROYAI DAY!

Anyway, reviews make me actually read my email and grin like a total idiot. 8D Rate and review please!

**With love, Sky Pastel.**


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